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The One Question to Ask Before Your Wedding

The early part of a relationship is filled with questions: What’s your favorite movie? Where did you grow up? What makes you good at your job? If the relationship is going well, you may graduate to more profound questions: What are your dreams? What are your fears? Will we take the next step together?

Eventually, someone may pop THE question: Will you marry me?

The decision to get married brings on a ton of “Who, What, When, Where” questions: Have you set the date? Where are you getting married? Who are you inviting? But before you start thinking about the big day, I think it’s also pretty important to ask “Why” questions: Why do you want to get married at all? Why do you want to spend your life with this person? Why do you want to marry this person? If you’ve never considered these questions, I encourage you to devote some time giving honest answers to yourself and your fiancé.

But the most important question to ask before you get married is this one: Am I willing to delay or even cancel this wedding? If the answer is “No”, then you may be closing your eyes to very real issues that could trouble your marriage.

Most newlyweds who come into my office seeking help have one thing in common: They ignored red flags that were certainly present before their wedding. The story is always the same, “We already put a deposit on the venue.” And/or, “We didn’t want our guests to cancel flights.” And/or, “We didn’t want to disappoint our parents.”

If you’re aware of red flags in the relationship—or even pink ones—give yourself permission to ask some of the tough questions that will help you make the best decision for the long term. Having the courage and the willingness to take a good look at the relationship, and perhaps to to consider delaying the marriage, could be a gift yourself, your partner, and your families.

Need help walking through the tough questions? Connect with a Sage Hill therapist today.

 

 

Zach Brittle, LMHC, is a counselor, author, and blogger in Seattle, WA where he lives with his wife and two daughters. He is a Certified Gottman Therapist and best-selling author of The Relationship Alphabet. Follow him on Facebook at Zach Brittle, LMHC or on Twitter @kzbrittle.

 

 

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