Tag Archives: control

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Love is a Choice: The Fear of Losing the Other

I'm afraid I'll lose him or her  can be one of the most powerful motivators in a relationship. There are many stories that shape the foundation of this fear, but regardless of it's origin, the way we behave out of this fear will either result in bondage or freedom. If we're honest, we all have fears about doing or not doing something that will bring an end to an important relationship. This fear may not be consciously present for both partners, but it's in there. There are two ways we typically react to this fear. The first, which is a

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What if? What then?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “If I could just know the future, then everything would be ok.” This kind of magical thinking troubles a lot of us. It’s called anxiety, and thoughts like this carry the potential for a lot of wasted energy. Anxiety is a powerful self-willed illusion that says, “If I can outsmart life and predict the future, then I will be ok.” When we are in anxiety, we work over a problem until our brain is like a hamster on speed in a wheel—a whole lot of running with nowhere to go. What could go wrong? How many different ways? What will he say? What will she

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STRESS: Where does it come from?

What is stressing you out? Work? Family? Money? All of these? Maybe your football team is stressing you out. Or your car. Maybe it’s that relationship ghost that’s been haunting you for the last 10 years. Or your addiction. Or the decision you have to make by the end of the week. Whatever it is, it’s probably not the thing itself. Most stress—about 85%—comes from indecision or lack of control. It’s not your money that’s stressing you out. It’s the lack of control, or power, or influence. Or it could be a lack of information or actual insight into the

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