Tag Archives: fear

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Love is a Choice: The Fear of Losing the Other

I'm afraid I'll lose him or her  can be one of the most powerful motivators in a relationship. There are many stories that shape the foundation of this fear, but regardless of it's origin, the way we behave out of this fear will either result in bondage or freedom. If we're honest, we all have fears about doing or not doing something that will bring an end to an important relationship. This fear may not be consciously present for both partners, but it's in there. There are two ways we typically react to this fear. The first, which is a

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The “Should’s” and “Supposed To’s”

Recently, a large poll was taken in which A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh ranked number one for the most beloved children’s books of all time, even beating J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series. Milne created a brilliant and endearing narrative that all its readers and viewers get lost in, only to find ourselves identifying with the animals living deep in the Hundred Acre Wood. While some of us may relate more to Piglet’s anxiety than Pooh’s clumsiness, each of the characters lives within us. Though we are designed to express our feelings, majority of us have been taught the “should's” and

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New Beginnings

By Beth Gillem With fall quickly approaching, it seems that the mad rush to do all the “lasts” of summer begins and the "to do” lists for the start of fall rapidly grow. It happens every year. There is an implied ending and beginning that happens in September. People ask, “Have you had a good summer?” or, “Are you ready for fall?” There is something about a fresh start—a new school year, new backpacks, and new notebooks—that brings a nervous, excited energy with it. In You’ve Got Mail, Joe Fox attempts to woo Kathleen Kelly with a line that I believe

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Anxiety is quite the Storyteller

Anxiety sucks. Not many will argue with that. Because of how scary anxiety is, it's hard to believe it is anything other than something to avoid. But beyond its very real terror, anxiety is trying to tell us something important. Anxiety is an internal storyteller who believes its story is so important that its chosen genre is horror. Scary stories are hard not to listen to. Anxiety does this to get our attention—scary stories work. Anxiety is our internal storyteller who tries to keep us afraid of life in order to keep us safe. But there is another storyteller in us

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What if? What then?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “If I could just know the future, then everything would be ok.” This kind of magical thinking troubles a lot of us. It’s called anxiety, and thoughts like this carry the potential for a lot of wasted energy. Anxiety is a powerful self-willed illusion that says, “If I can outsmart life and predict the future, then I will be ok.” When we are in anxiety, we work over a problem until our brain is like a hamster on speed in a wheel—a whole lot of running with nowhere to go. What could go wrong? How many different ways? What will he say? What will she

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Resistance in Relationship (It doesn’t have to be futile)

Star Trek fans may remember the Borg and their motto, “Resistance is futile.” This idea has become a pop-culture symbol for any overwhelming oppositional force determined to keep us from our goals. We all have oppositional forces in our lives somewhere. More likely than not, however, they’re not as clear or as articulate as the Borg. Indeed, it’d be far easier to overcome the enemy that we could clearly see and name. In a relational context, the voice of resistance is far more subtle. It’s the fear of intimacy that keeps you from fully enjoying the other. It’s the lack of confidence (toxic

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