Tag Archives: relationships

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Are You Taking On Too Many Roles?

Every year when August hits, and the air (supposedly) cools off, my Saturday mornings typically begin with coffee in hand and ESPN Gameday on the TV — I am getting geared up to watch my Auburn Tigers play later on. In the past few years, I’ve noticed a segment on ESPN Gameday called “You Had One Job.” While this is mostly a way for the commentators to shame young 18-22 year old athletes, I’ve found myself joining in on the laughter and accusations of, “Come on! You blew it! You really did only have one job!” However, last week it

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How to Stop People Pleasing

A mentor of mine recently shared part of a conversation she had with her daughter in which the question, “what is the opposite of disappointed” was posed. After thinking about it for a few moments she responded, “The opposite of disappointed is appointed.” While Merriam-Webster may disagree with this assessment of the word, it left quite an impression. I cannot tell you the number of times I have made decisions (or not made them) solely to avoid potentially disappointing others. I can’t leave this job, say no to that event, go on the trip, end a relationship, because doing so

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The Most Difficult Years of Marriage

I’ve been helping couples in the context of marriage counseling about a decade and half. In that time, I’ve noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest  (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…) Often, it seems these years correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage. Learning the tools to handle these transitions and pressure points is essential to being satisfied in a relationship long term. Below are the questions I find couples asking during their “odd years”: Year 1: Where did the person I felt so in love with go?

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Creating A Space For Your Dreams

by Kate Hughes It was the last Saturday in May — the sun was setting on Regent Drive , and people were beginning to trickle into our home. Kelsey and I had spent the afternoon trying to wrap lights around the trunk of the the oak in our backyard “like Pinterest.” It didn’t turn out the same as the picture (because it never does), but it was perfect. I had been envisioning this night, where I would host the people that I love most in the world to celebrate both the ending of this season and beginning of a new

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Love is a Choice: The Fear of Losing the Other

I'm afraid I'll lose him or her  can be one of the most powerful motivators in a relationship. There are many stories that shape the foundation of this fear, but regardless of it's origin, the way we behave out of this fear will either result in bondage or freedom. If we're honest, we all have fears about doing or not doing something that will bring an end to an important relationship. This fear may not be consciously present for both partners, but it's in there. There are two ways we typically react to this fear. The first, which is a

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Celebrations

We have all seen the movie where the protagonist is a totally self-absorbed character—praised and rewarded by the adoring public for some remarkable talent or gift that has lost its meaning to him (think Tony Stark from Ironman). He or she has cabinets and closets full of awards, and the next one is simply tossed aside like an old candy wrapper. On the outside they have it all, but on the inside they’re thinking, “Is that all there is? I’ve gotten all the praise, wealth, and power that I have always sought and I still feel empty.” Similarly, some of

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9 Words to Prevent Relationship Wars

A couple recently asked me a question about fighting: “We’ve been together for almost two years and have not had a fight. What do you think about this?” My response was two-fold. First, what is your definition of a fight? Some of us think of a fight as yelling, screaming, throwing things, etc. A fight for others might be stonewalling, silent punishment, or ignoring the other person. The second part of my answer is that someone, most likely both of them, is lying. Maybe not overtly lying about something, but not fully telling the truth about where they’ve been hurt in the

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