The Current

Helping you navigate through life

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Are You Taking On Too Many Roles?

Every year when August hits, and the air (supposedly) cools off, my Saturday mornings typically begin with coffee in hand and ESPN Gameday on the TV — I am getting geared up to watch my Auburn Tigers play later on. In the past few years, I’ve noticed a segment on ESPN Gameday called “You Had One Job.” While this is mostly a way for the commentators to shame young 18-22 year old athletes, I’ve found myself joining in on the laughter and accusations of, “Come on! You blew it! You really did only have one job!” However, last week it

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Why We Don’t Tell The Truth

We all know the classic sayings about Truth: "The truth hurts" "You can't handle the truth" "The truth will set you free" But do we really want the truth, and is it really loving to tell the truth?   Often when we tell the truth, it gets labeled as: arrogant, mean, selfish, critical, over-analyzing, or overly sensitive. We have likely all felt the pain of being labeled for telling the truth inside of us. But if we commit to these labels and believe them about ourselves, we will remain in hiding and never be fully known. We will continue to

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How to Heal from Traumatic Events

When scary things happen to people we know, in places we have been, like a church or a school, or at concerts we might have attended, or airports we’ve traveled through — there is a quietness of disbelief. An echo of these questions... Why did this happen? Was there a motive? How could something so heartbreaking happen so close to home?  Am I in danger?  When traumatic events occur, they stay frozen like a snapshot in the mind. In these moments, we go into a trauma response — whether it's fight, flight, or freeze. The story gets lost from the narrative

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How to Stop People Pleasing

A mentor of mine recently shared part of a conversation she had with her daughter in which the question, “what is the opposite of disappointed” was posed. After thinking about it for a few moments she responded, “The opposite of disappointed is appointed.” While Merriam-Webster may disagree with this assessment of the word, it left quite an impression. I cannot tell you the number of times I have made decisions (or not made them) solely to avoid potentially disappointing others. I can’t leave this job, say no to that event, go on the trip, end a relationship, because doing so

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Finding God in Your Loneliness

What if the questions we ask around our faith and spirituality are making us more lonely, more afraid, and more isolated? Our questions have become formulas… How can I do more of this (prayer, bible studies, quiet times) to add more of this (peace, joy, love) and subtract all of this (shame, rejection, and fear of abandonment)? We have become a culture fixated on finding the the answer that will get us out of our pain and out of facing the story of our life. When I’m told to pray more or have more faith as an answer to my

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The Most Difficult Years of Marriage

I’ve been helping couples in the context of marriage counseling about a decade and half. In that time, I’ve noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest  (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…) Often, it seems these years correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage. Learning the tools to handle these transitions and pressure points is essential to being satisfied in a relationship long term. Below are the questions I find couples asking during their “odd years”: Year 1: Where did the person I felt so in love with go?

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Getting Down to the Heart

When we look back on our lives, there are people who play significant roles in shaping us into the people we become: relatives, friends, coaches, mentors. For me, it was my middle school English teacher. I was raised in a small town and attended a private Christian school. I lived within what some may call a “bubble.” I don’t note this because I think it is bad necessarily, but instead to emphasize that I did not know that anything existed outside of that bubble. That bubble burst the day I sat down in Mr. Fletcher’s class. Even now Mr. Fletcher

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What Vacation Can Teach Us

By: Beth Gillem Every summer, I begin a countdown to my favorite two weeks of the year: vacation. In my family, we have a tradition of visiting the same spot every summer with a few other families who uphold the same tradition. We bike, read, play in the water, watch sunsets, roast marshmallows, and cook meals together. It’s free, unstructured time that I look forward to more than anything else each year. Other than being a place that holds so many memories, I’ve come to realize its simplicity is what makes it so special to me. Unlike my life in

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Coming Awake to Your Life

Every day we navigate the zigs and zags of our lives. We take familiar routes to work or school, or on our daily runs.  The things we see every day can become so common in our vision that it is not unusual for them to essentially disappear from view. There is an art to paying attention; it is work, no question about it. We are being convinced in our culture that instead of tuning into our surroundings, we must pursue the dazzle, the epic, the sensational.  The common, then, must find a place off to the side just outside our

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The Responsibility of Connection

by Kathryn Defatta  A couple of years ago, I bought a beta fish. I’d bought it on a whim one day because I really wanted a pet. At the time, I was living with three dogs — none of which were mine. I saw the love and affection my roommates had for their dogs, and there was a growing part of me that wanted to have my own animal child. However, I was not naive about how much time, effort, and responsibility went into taking care and raising their dogs. I thought a fish might be a nice compromise and

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