Tag Archives: couples

Helping you navigate through life


The Most Difficult Years of Marriage

I’ve been helping couples in the context of marriage counseling about a decade and half. In that time, I’ve noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest  (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…) Often, it seems these years correspond with significant transitions and pressure points in marriage. Learning the tools to handle these transitions and pressure points is essential to being satisfied in a relationship long term. Below are the questions I find couples asking during their “odd years”: Year 1: Where did the person I felt so in love with go?

Continue reading...

Re-pair: The Key to Healthy Relationships

Imagine you’re skiing. Your skis are in parallel, until they aren’t. They start to drift a little, either from snow conditions or fatigue or lack of experience. You need to make tiny corrections to help you stay upright. Sometimes you hit a major bump and one ski veers radically from your chosen direction. In that case, you’ll need to make a more substantial, maybe even traumatic, correction. In either case, the key is to get your skis back in parallel: to re-pair your skis. This same principle of repair is key in relationships. In fact, I’d say it’s the key.

Continue reading...

3 Re’s of Successful Couplehood

All couples have ups and downs. Conflict is inevitable and in fact, roughly ⅔ of relationship conflict is considered unsolvable. It makes sense then that couples need to periodically renew their relationships. Couplehood only works when each partner is committed to personal health. But what does that mean? It means examining questions about Responsibility, Resistance and Resources. 1. Responsibility Imagine—just for a minute—that all the stress in your relationship is your fault. What 2-3 things are you aware of that you could take responsibility for? Are there changes you can make right now that would change the trajectory of the

Continue reading...