Tag Archives: loss

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What You Need to Know About Trauma

Several years ago, I sat at my kitchen table making a simple grocery list. In the middle of making the list, my mind went blank and I broke into tears. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. I had no “real” reason to be upset. I had a beautiful family, great friends, and good health. I felt guilty for even “allowing” myself to feel this way. However, as I began thinking through the previous year, I remembered all that had happened. Four family members passed away, job loss, financial difficulty, and moving to a new town, all while clumsily attempting

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Hurt People Hurt People

When people get hurt in relationship and do not receive healing from the wounds, they have a logical and defensible tendency to become protective against more pain. A wound that does not receive attention remains sensitive; a person becomes wary of being relationally “cut” again. The younger one is when unattended hurt begins, the more wary they become of a potential recurrence. The wariness that becomes defensiveness becomes common sense to the wounded person—even logical and defensible. But just because it is understandable does not make the consequences to others justifiable.     The defense that protects can eventually become the defense

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I’m Sorry

What do you say when you don’t know what to say? What can be said that helps when you are presented with another person’s loss, pain, grief, and struggle? When we are presented with pain over which we are powerless to repair, the words that truly fit the circumstance are, “I’m sorry.”  We can offer a person our sorrow, the identifying pain that says, “I deeply wish that this struggle were not yours, and I offer you my care.” "I'm sorry" can be the words that hold a person’s heart for a moment.     We do not usually believe the words,

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Getting to the Root of Depression

In my experience, depression has had two opposing effects: it protected me from feeling deep pain but, at the same time, robbed me of relationships and healing. Thirty-eight years ago today, my life was changed forever. What should have been a time of joy and celebration turned into sadness, despair, and a journey into depression. My two infant twin sons were born too early to survive. All the things that I had learned through my childhood about faith and never doubting God's plan began to fade. How could something that I thought was in God's plan go so terribly wrong?

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Finding An Anthem For Affliction

The first time I heard John Mark McMillan’s (now widely-known) song "How He Loves Us,” I was at the funeral of a high school friend who passed away in a car accident. I distinctly remember how the words confounded my mind but resonated somewhere within my heart all at once. Part of the chorus goes like this: He is jealous for me Love’s like a hurricane, I am a tree Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy After singing it through both seasons of heartache and celebration over the past decade, one line continues to stop me in my

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Love is a Choice: The Fear of Losing the Other

I'm afraid I'll lose him or her  can be one of the most powerful motivators in a relationship. There are many stories that shape the foundation of this fear, but regardless of it's origin, the way we behave out of this fear will either result in bondage or freedom. If we're honest, we all have fears about doing or not doing something that will bring an end to an important relationship. This fear may not be consciously present for both partners, but it's in there. There are two ways we typically react to this fear. The first, which is a

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