Tag Archives: pain

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What You Need to Know About Trauma

Several years ago, I sat at my kitchen table making a simple grocery list. In the middle of making the list, my mind went blank and I broke into tears. “What is wrong with me?” I thought. I had no “real” reason to be upset. I had a beautiful family, great friends, and good health. I felt guilty for even “allowing” myself to feel this way. However, as I began thinking through the previous year, I remembered all that had happened. Four family members passed away, job loss, financial difficulty, and moving to a new town, all while clumsily attempting

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Hurt People Hurt People

When people get hurt in relationship and do not receive healing from the wounds, they have a logical and defensible tendency to become protective against more pain. A wound that does not receive attention remains sensitive; a person becomes wary of being relationally “cut” again. The younger one is when unattended hurt begins, the more wary they become of a potential recurrence. The wariness that becomes defensiveness becomes common sense to the wounded person—even logical and defensible. But just because it is understandable does not make the consequences to others justifiable.     The defense that protects can eventually become the defense

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I’m Sorry

What do you say when you don’t know what to say? What can be said that helps when you are presented with another person’s loss, pain, grief, and struggle? When we are presented with pain over which we are powerless to repair, the words that truly fit the circumstance are, “I’m sorry.”  We can offer a person our sorrow, the identifying pain that says, “I deeply wish that this struggle were not yours, and I offer you my care.” "I'm sorry" can be the words that hold a person’s heart for a moment.     We do not usually believe the words,

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It’s Not OK, and It’s OK

In my work with people, I have begun to find themes that permeate the hearts of the souls that come in and out of my office. These souls have taught me that humans have A LOT of fears…like A LOT. I have witnessed how these fears can transfuse into walls and barricades surrounding a human heart protecting it from its very Self. Some people have described their grief or sadness to me as a weight on their back, a snowball that keeps building, or a dark cloud that follows them around.  Which leads me to ask, “What keeps you from turning to

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Getting to the Root of Depression

In my experience, depression has had two opposing effects: it protected me from feeling deep pain but, at the same time, robbed me of relationships and healing. Thirty-eight years ago today, my life was changed forever. What should have been a time of joy and celebration turned into sadness, despair, and a journey into depression. My two infant twin sons were born too early to survive. All the things that I had learned through my childhood about faith and never doubting God's plan began to fade. How could something that I thought was in God's plan go so terribly wrong?

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Why We Don’t Tell The Truth

We all know the classic sayings about Truth: "The truth hurts" "You can't handle the truth" "The truth will set you free" But do we really want the truth, and is it really loving to tell the truth?   Often when we tell the truth, it gets labeled as: arrogant, mean, selfish, critical, over-analyzing, or overly sensitive. We have likely all felt the pain of being labeled for telling the truth inside of us. But if we commit to these labels and believe them about ourselves, we will remain in hiding and never be fully known. We will continue to

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Allowing Yourself to Be Weak

A little over a year ago, I had the unfortunate experience of skiing knee first into a tree. In the days and weeks that followed, my body displayed the physical ramifications of this accident in ways I was unable to hide. The physical pain was terrible, but the internal dialogue I battled daily was just as harsh. The voice in my head was unrelenting in whispering cruel messages of self-doubt, shame and fear. That’s life though, isn’t it? Right when we feel as though we’ve found our groove and know how to masterfully navigate the path we’re on, we hit

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Regaining Ownership of Your Heart

We all have a story to tell. We were made to play the leading roles in our personal movies filled with tragedy, hope, heartache, loss, resilience, delight, honor, and betrayal. This array of feelings somehow make a good movie. When I look at a child, they don’t seem to doubt that they are the leading role.   They weep and wail, fight and play, and wish and ask with confidence. We all start in this place of trusting in life and ourselves, until one day...tragedy hits.   A tragedy is something too overwhelming to hold a narrative for or make

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Show Your Self

Let’s be really honest here: No one makes it past seventeen or eighteen without receiving their fair share of dings—and that’s if they are lucky. By the time most people get their driver’s license, they have already experienced enough emotional and spiritual fender benders that their hearts are dented and their self-image is scratched for years to come. You know what I’m talking about: parents divorcing, grandparents dying, being shamed by a coach or mentor, being rejected by a girl or a guy, humiliating yourself in front of a crowd, being betrayed by someone you trusted, or having your hopes

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When Putting On Weight is a Good Thing

If you have been in a Sage Hill Counseling office in the past year, you may have noticed a chunky blanket draped over a couch or chair. These quirkily shaped blankets are stuffed with heavy beads in varying weights. You may be wondering why a counseling center has heavy blankets in each office. The concept definitely sounds strange until the science behind weighted blanket therapy is explained. Weighted blankets are a tool that helps people in several ways, both in and out of the counseling office. Physiologically, weighted blankets work similarly to a deep tissue massage. The pressure of the blanket

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